What I Learned... in Kauai

In keeping with an earlier theme of this blog, I thought I would reflect on what I learned from my experiences in Kauai. The first thing I noticed was that a spouse's morning crabbiness can exist even in the Hawaiian Pacific time zone. That's four hours of difference, folks. Theoretically, 7:30 am in Kauai is almost noon in the Midwest! I had hypothesized that no crabbiness would exist, but the test proved my hypothesis to be false! Morning crabbiness can travel across land and sea!

I also discovered that my wife is has world class ability in the area of packing and organization. We haven't had the opportunity to travel since the diagnosis and I had heard her allude to her packing prowess, but I admit that I was skeptical. But I am now a true believer. I was amazed at how much she was able to fit in her travel bags!

And one last thing, there are a lot of chickens on Kauai. I'm not sure how they got there. I don't believe they are native to the island. But there are no predators to the chicken on the entire island so you can find chickens everywhere-- in forests, on mountain tops, and in parking lots.

Ten Things I've Learned: #1 The Long Road Back

I've learned a lot about cancer in the past year. One thing that it takes a long time to recover. Many times the "public" face that one puts out there has a very positive outlook. But in truth, there are setbacks. It just takes some time. I suppose it varies from person to person, but from our experiences I would say that the time it takes to rebound from cancer and the subsequent chemotherapy, surgeries, and radiation mirrors what it takes for the hair to come back. One thing that Tracy has benefited from was the "Time to Heal" class/help group that she was able to take part in. They say that the trauma of a cancer diagnosis can cause post traumatic stress issues and when you combine that with "chemo brain" and other known issues, it's truly a blessing to be able to be a part of such an effective program. Others don't have an opportunity to take part in such a program and I wonder how they do it. It must be tough.

I've also seen Tracy's spirits rise as she's been able to get back in the flow of her normal daily routine as a trainer at work as well as working out at the gym. And, I can't forget, shopping! Plus another factor is the hair coming back. As you can see from the picture, it's come back quite well. She even had her first hair cut the other day!

Breast Cancer Affects So Many

After coming back to work, I learned just how common breast cancer really is. I had no idea how many people are affected by it. The teacher that teaches next door to me has a mother who is a 1o year breast cancer survivor. The next closest person in proximity to my room has a sister-in-law and close friend who are dealing with breast cancer. Of the six people on my teaching team, half of them have parents dealing with some type of cancer. In addition to that, we have one teacher on the faculty and a school secretary who have been diagnosed with breast cancer over the past two years. The empathy that they've shown to me since coming back to work has been so supportive. It's really made a difference for me. And I'll never forget it.

What I Learned after the next day

I think we all know that the presence of friends and relatives in our lives, especially in times of need, are a great help to us. But what I didn't realize is how much spending time with Tracy was helpful to everyone else. Including me. We all worry about her, but just spending time with Tracy and talking to her seems to lift everyone's spirits. That is something that has really stood out to me throughout this entire experience.

What I Learned at the Hospital

Get a second opinion.

Sometimes we seem to put blind trust in our doctors. It's probably the most trusted profession that exists, probably close behind airline pilots and school bus drivers. And doctors are held in high esteem. But nobody can be right all of the time. And we were blindsided by this devastating news.

Tracy was aware of the lump for over a year. She was told that it wasn't anything to worry about. An ultrasound early on didn't show any cancer. But as time went by, I wonder if more follow up should have been done. A needle biopsy perhaps? How about a mammogram? I suppose it's possible that the cancer developed inside the pre-existing cyst. But how about some follow up?

I know that I could have been more insistent early on myself since I was dating Tracy at the time. It's always healthier to focus on what you could have done differently rather than blame other or hold grudges. There are a lot of "what ifs".

The bottom line, is that Tracy had to be her own advocate. And I thank God that she had the awareness, education, and desire to go back to the doctor and insist on a biopsy. In many ways, I think we all have Tracy's friend, "the other blond", to thank. Tracy Lingwall Harnly has educated so many of us on the dangers of breast cancer and I know that my wife has followed her blog and spoke of her often. "The other blond" may have saved my Tracy's life.

To hear more about the "other blond's story", she had a neat video made about her by the American Cancer Society.

What I Learned from the Drive

Looking back on that long drive to the hospital and the wide range of uncertainty and emotions that I had, I think that it was God's way of allowing me to realize how important Tracy is to me. When times are tough, I can draw on that experience to provide me the resolve that I need to support my wife as she goes through chemo and the difficulties that go along with it.

The Drive

October 28, 2008. This was a day that I will never forget. It was the day that I found out that my wife had breast cancer. We were aware of a lump, but had been told for some time that it was not cancerous. When we decided to have the cyst removed, we knew it was going to be tested but had no reason to think that it was cancerous.

So when my wife went to her follow up appointment, I was not there. It was just a follow up to examine the incision. But I wound up getting a call from Tracy at 4:36. She was very upset and only told me to please come to the hospital. It was then that I knew that Tracy must have been told that the cyst tested for cancer.

The 20 minute drive to the hospital seemed like it took three hours. I don't know how to describe it. Only that I experienced a wide range of emotions on that drive, but most of all, it was just wanting to know. And just wanting to get there as quickly as possible. It was a feeling the likes of which I never want to experience again.