Breast Cancer Affects So Many

After coming back to work, I learned just how common breast cancer really is. I had no idea how many people are affected by it. The teacher that teaches next door to me has a mother who is a 1o year breast cancer survivor. The next closest person in proximity to my room has a sister-in-law and close friend who are dealing with breast cancer. Of the six people on my teaching team, half of them have parents dealing with some type of cancer. In addition to that, we have one teacher on the faculty and a school secretary who have been diagnosed with breast cancer over the past two years. The empathy that they've shown to me since coming back to work has been so supportive. It's really made a difference for me. And I'll never forget it.

Going Back to Work

Eventually after getting shocking news like getting breast cancer, life must go on. You've got to get back to work. And both of us are lucky to be among the group of people who can honestly say that they love their jobs. I've always enjoyed working with kids, going back to my days as a camp group leader and counselor. Tracy had just started a new job as a trainer with CPS and she loves that job (I've always thought Tracy would make a great teacher, and while she disagrees, this training gig comes very close to that).

A good friend of mine named Joe, who is a juvenile probation officer in Kansas, once told me that if you enjoy that job that you do, you'll never work a day in your life. I've never forgotten that quote, and I've shared it with others countless times. I once saw that quote attributed to Confucius, the ancient Chinese philosopher. Anyway, our work has been a bright spot in all of this. Not only is it fun and challenging, but our co-workers and bosses have been so supportive! It's really been off the charts how supportive they have been. I don't know how we could do all this without them. I really don't.

So I'm happy to report that even though we have both missed quite a bit of work-- my two month battle with bronchitis hasn't helped-- we are still employed! Tracy has burned up quite a bit of sick days (this is what they are for), but fortunately she had quite a few saved up. And she can use vacation days after that. She's even had co-workers offer to donate vacation days to her after she uses up her vacation days! Isn't that something?

As for me, I get 10 sick days a year and I'll use up every one of them this year if I haven't already. For a point of reference, I took only one sick day that I can remember in my first 10 years of teaching! But even though I've been gone a lot. My fellow faculty members have been so supportive. I've got two amazing substitute teachers that regularly take my place. My 7th grade teaching team is the absolute greatest. They are always asking about Tracy, and me. They recently bought us a gift card to Valentino's pizza, because chemo patients in their families always liked pizza when they were going through chemo.

Tracy and I are blessed to be working where we work and with whom we work.

Advice from an ancestor

My Dad gave me a piece of advice that he had gotten from his Grandpa Poppe, "in tough times, stay busy. Get your work done. It will take your mind off things for a while." This advice that my great grandfather gave was surely something that he had had much practice using, as he had 17 children but lost four at a very young age. He also lost a brother at a young age. Those were tough times. I think this advice speaks toward the German heritage in the Poppe family. When tough times come your way, you keep moving. It doesn't mean that you avoid dealing with tough situations. But you don't let it break your spirit. You don't let it defeat you.

And so that is what Tracy and I did. We made that "to do" list on the 30th. We spent time with family. We spent time with friends. Tracy, her sister Laura, and her Mom made a visit to the Wilbur area to visit Tracy's friend Amy and her son, Grant. And they had a great time! Looking back on that week, I wouldn't have wanted to do it any other way.

I thank my Dad for sharing stories and advice that he had received from his own Dad, uncles and grandparents. It's pretty amazing to think about it, but shortly after Tracy was diagnosed, I was able to get some advice from my great grandfather, a man whom I never met.

Living With Cancer

October 30, two days removed from the diagnosis, was a good day. Tracy and I had been undecided about whether or not to take a second day off. But late in the evening, we decided that if we weren't certain that we would be able to go back to work, that meant that we shouldn't. And so we stayed home a second day and we were really glad that we did. The "second day after" was energizing. We made a long "to-do" list and actually ran some errands outside the house. It was a gorgeous day outside. We went for a walk. It was a day when optimism crept back into our lives. Even though much was still unknown how bad the cancer was, we started to talk positively about the prospects of beating cancer... and we started to believe what we were saying.

We read a lot in those first few days. As time went on, we focused our reading to specific topics. And we stayed away from the internet, where information can vary widely from website to website. We stuck to reputable sources that we trusted.

What I Learned after the next day

I think we all know that the presence of friends and relatives in our lives, especially in times of need, are a great help to us. But what I didn't realize is how much spending time with Tracy was helpful to everyone else. Including me. We all worry about her, but just spending time with Tracy and talking to her seems to lift everyone's spirits. That is something that has really stood out to me throughout this entire experience.

The Next Day...

Having a "new reality" such as breast cancer get introduced into your life is something that takes a long time to set in. It is a nightmare that you cannot you wake from. In addition to that is a sense of dread in not knowing what exactly you are up against. The following day was spent learning as much as we could about breast cancer and informing relatives and friends of the news.

That night, 10/28, was spent with Tracy's mom, dad, sister, brother in law and my parents. Delivering the news was not fun, and there was a lot of tears. But mostly, we just really appreciated having company. The company of family. It was a great comfort. I cannot imagine Tracy and I having to face this alone. And I do not want to even think about anyone facing breast cancer alone-- without family or friends to support you.

Tracy and I spent the next day together at home. It was a dark and a sad day. Cancer was constantly on our minds. At one point in the afternoon, we watched a tape of the Biggest Loser, which is a show Tracy & I have always enjoyed together. It did take our minds off of things a bit. But there was a time during the show when Tracy just turned to me and started crying. She was said that for a brief moment she had not thought about the cancer. But then, it came back into her thoughts and she thought to herself, "Wow, I actually didn't think about it for a few seconds." This is what cancer does. It takes over. And it changes everything.

What I Learned at the Hospital

Get a second opinion.

Sometimes we seem to put blind trust in our doctors. It's probably the most trusted profession that exists, probably close behind airline pilots and school bus drivers. And doctors are held in high esteem. But nobody can be right all of the time. And we were blindsided by this devastating news.

Tracy was aware of the lump for over a year. She was told that it wasn't anything to worry about. An ultrasound early on didn't show any cancer. But as time went by, I wonder if more follow up should have been done. A needle biopsy perhaps? How about a mammogram? I suppose it's possible that the cancer developed inside the pre-existing cyst. But how about some follow up?

I know that I could have been more insistent early on myself since I was dating Tracy at the time. It's always healthier to focus on what you could have done differently rather than blame other or hold grudges. There are a lot of "what ifs".

The bottom line, is that Tracy had to be her own advocate. And I thank God that she had the awareness, education, and desire to go back to the doctor and insist on a biopsy. In many ways, I think we all have Tracy's friend, "the other blond", to thank. Tracy Lingwall Harnly has educated so many of us on the dangers of breast cancer and I know that my wife has followed her blog and spoke of her often. "The other blond" may have saved my Tracy's life.

To hear more about the "other blond's story", she had a neat video made about her by the American Cancer Society.

The Hospital

After making a 15 minute drive that took an eternity, I found a parking spot next to Tracy's car. I ran into the hospital. And I got lost. She had briefly told me how to find her in the doctor's office on second floor, but I must have took a wrong turn somewhere. So I called her back, hoping for directions and any sign in her voice of that would make it all seem less serious.

When I did find her, she told me that she had breast cancer and that she was sorry. I told her she had nothing to be sorry about. It was not long after that that Tracy's doctor at that time came in to explain that the harmless cyst that Tracy had decided to finally have removed turned out to be cancerous after all. The cyst had been sent away for testing only as a formality... or so we thought.

I asked as many questions as I could think of to the doctor that night. Soon, we would drive home together and start notifying loved ones of the news. We had a lot to learn about cancer. And it would be weeks before we would learn more about how extensive the cancer would be.

What I Learned from the Drive

Looking back on that long drive to the hospital and the wide range of uncertainty and emotions that I had, I think that it was God's way of allowing me to realize how important Tracy is to me. When times are tough, I can draw on that experience to provide me the resolve that I need to support my wife as she goes through chemo and the difficulties that go along with it.

The Drive

October 28, 2008. This was a day that I will never forget. It was the day that I found out that my wife had breast cancer. We were aware of a lump, but had been told for some time that it was not cancerous. When we decided to have the cyst removed, we knew it was going to be tested but had no reason to think that it was cancerous.

So when my wife went to her follow up appointment, I was not there. It was just a follow up to examine the incision. But I wound up getting a call from Tracy at 4:36. She was very upset and only told me to please come to the hospital. It was then that I knew that Tracy must have been told that the cyst tested for cancer.

The 20 minute drive to the hospital seemed like it took three hours. I don't know how to describe it. Only that I experienced a wide range of emotions on that drive, but most of all, it was just wanting to know. And just wanting to get there as quickly as possible. It was a feeling the likes of which I never want to experience again.